Marriage: Realities Men Need to Understand
I happened to meet a former classmate unexpectedly. Seeing her six years after her wedding, the spark and vivacity she once had seemed to have faded. As we caught up, I asked, “How is life going?” Her reply was a detached, “It’s just going.” Sensing something was wrong, I asked if there was a problem. She went silent, and her expression changed completely. I felt a pang of guilt for intruding into her privacy and apologized.
As I turned to leave, she said something that stayed with me: “When you decide to marry, tell the girl only what you can actually do. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not just to impress her. Be your true self.” Those words sparked the thoughts I am sharing here.
No One is Perfect
Not all men have bad character, but no one in this world is perfect. It is also true that no self-respecting man can live by simply obeying everything a partner says. However, marriage is not just about romance; it involves responsibility, partnership, and mutual respect. If one believes that only their perspective is right, peace will never be found.
Promises vs. Reality
To win the love and attention of women, men often make grand promises before marriage or during the courtship period. Unfortunately, a large percentage of these promises are never fulfilled. While there are men who value their word, many retreat from their commitments after marriage, leading to deep disappointment in their partners.
The Roots of Patriarchy
Many men learn patriarchy from their own homes or surroundings. There is a misconception that the man is the sole authority while the woman’s only role is housework and upbringing children. While the man may work hard to provide income, women need more than just financial security—they need emotional security and open communication.
Changes After Marriage
When asked about married life, many men respond with regret, saying they shouldn’t have married at all. These same men find endless time for friends, politics, work, and entertainment, yet fail to check in on their wives or children. They complain about a lack of peace at home without realizing they might be the cause of it.
Some men who were fitness-conscious before marriage completely abandon it afterward. They lose the drive to achieve goals and stop self-reflecting, living as if there is nothing left to look forward to. This stagnation often leads to irritability toward their partner.
Fleeing from Responsibility
A common complaint among married men is the loss of freedom or financial strain. It’s important to remember that marriage was a personal choice. One should be aware of the sacrifices and changes it entails. The responsibility of children doesn’t belong to the mother alone just because she gave birth. Furthermore, while parents should be respected, a wife must be given her rightful place and importance in a man’s life.
Ways Families Drift Apart
Several factors lead to the breakdown of a marriage:
- Lack of proper communication.
- Lack of support in household chores or childcare.
- Comparing the partner with other women.
- Publicly humiliating the partner in front of friends or family.
- Addiction to alcohol, smoking, or pornography.
- Using the word “Divorce” as a threat during arguments.
- Telling the partner they are only staying for the sake of the children.
The Way Forward
A man must learn to regulate his emotions and passions. Protecting a family isn’t just about money; it’s about giving them time. Children should grow up seeing their father love and respect their mother. If you cannot make decisions together, do not hesitate to seek help from a professional marriage counselor.
If you realize before marriage that a partner isn’t right for you, back out regardless of pressure. If the realization happens after marriage, try counseling. If things still don’t improve, divorce is a blessing compared to a life of constant conflict. We only have one life—why spend it fighting?
In a marriage, no one is a slave. Both are equals. Leave ego behind, stop trying to “defeat” your partner, and move forward together. That is where a family truly begins.