As I approach the age of 40, the question I face most frequently is, “Are you not getting married?” followed closely by, “What is the reason?”
The truth is, I realized some time ago that the traditional concept of marriage did not align with my life circumstances. So, I didn’t marry. If you ask me if I will in the future, my answer is simple: if my life circumstances improve and align, I might consider it.
But here is the misconception: I am not “alone.” I live with my parents and my two brothers. Yet, people try to fearmonger, warning me, “If you don’t marry, you will have no one. You will end up isolated.”
However, years of experience have taught me a harsh truth: people only stand by you as long as you please them. Why is that? I’ve realized I don’t need a crowd; two genuine friends are more than enough for a lifetime.
The Fear of Being Alone
Are you someone who is terrified of living alone? Society and cinema have successfully propagated the narrative that one cannot live a normal life without a partner. Society assumes that if you live alone, there must be a “defect” in you. For many, the very thought of being alone is a nightmare; they cannot sit with themselves even for a short while because their upbringing never allowed it.
The Reality of Aging and Migration
It is true that people often face loneliness as they age. Initially, it is difficult, but eventually, it becomes a habit. However, the sadness of having “no one” can linger.
In the modern era, children migrate to other countries for better lives and incomes, leaving parents behind. This is a major reason why the elderly end up alone in India. Unlike in the US or Europe, where independent living is the norm, Indian parents expect their children to care for them. While mobile phones offer a temporary bridge, they are not a solution. In the long run, they can lead to addiction and deepen the feeling of isolation.
What is Monophobia? Why are we so scared to be alone?
“The fear of being alone is called ‘Monophobia’ or ‘Autophobia.’ Its main causes are past trauma, low self-esteem, and social pressure.”
We must admit that marriage is often not just about loving and being loved; for many, it is simply a tool to avoid being alone in society.
Solitude vs. Loneliness
Interestingly, in India, suicide rates are often higher among those surrounded by relatives than those living alone. The belief that “I cannot survive without someone” is what drives many into marriage. But in reality, we are all alone. We spend the majority of our time within our own minds.
There is a difference between being forced into isolation and choosing solitude.
- Loneliness is isolation.
- Solitude is a firm decision; it is an experience.
If living alone is a voluntary choice, it benefits mental health and well-being. It aids in introspection, personal growth, and emotional regulation. However, one should not be forced into it by influence or circumstance.
The Benefits of Embracing Solitude
Choosing to live on your own terms comes with distinct advantages:
- Discipline: Life gains a rhythm and responsibility.
- Growth: You develop a reading habit and an interest in learning new things.
- Self-Discovery: You get time to listen to, understand, and think about yourself.
- Freedom: You experience lower stress and higher independence.
- Mental Clarity: When the mind is free from social pressure and expectations, anxiety decreases, and creativity flourishes.
- Focus: You can deeply observe your true emotions and goals without external influence.
Conclusion
Living alone means you don’t have to constantly worry about others or feel anxious about their validation. You can focus on your own affairs. Choosing not to marry or choosing to live alone is a personal matter. It is not running away from life, nor is it selfishness. We have one life—let everyone live it according to their wishes. It is far better to live alone than to live a life full of problems just to please society.
Living in solitude is far better than living a life dictated by others’ desires. In reality, those who live alone are incredibly courageous. To go to the movies alone, to eat at a restaurant alone, to travel alone, and to navigate life alone requires no small amount of bravery.
The majority of people fear living alone, while others, secretly, envy those who have the courage to do so.
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