The Evolution of Marriage and the Reality of Extramarital Affairs
Historically, marriage was a means to transfer property, build alliances, and ensure inheritance. Later, religions integrated and harmonized the concept of marriage. The institution of marriage is over 5,000 years old, with the first recorded marriage taking place in Mesopotamia in 2350 BC.
Extramarital affairs are as old as the time humans began living socially. Laws have existed since ancient times to prevent illicit relationships. When two individuals like each other and sign the pact of marriage, there is no place for a third person—neither in mind nor in body. Until the marital bond is legally severed, any other relationship is legally and morally wrong. The modern misconception that “this isn’t wrong,” combined with the lack of a strong societal reaction against it, is why illicit relationships are growing.
Many men enter into extramarital affairs by exploiting the situation where a woman’s attention shifts entirely to her children after childbirth. Generally, women become mentally distant from their husbands while raising children. When two people move forward in life without sharing things with each other, a third person often enters one of their lives.
Men generally get attracted to women very quickly, driven by visuals and hormones. Women choose slowly; they think emotionally and make decisions based on circumstances. From society’s perspective, women are often seen as the deceivers, though there are no precise statistics on the truth. Men are actually slightly ahead of women when it comes to infidelity.
99% of extramarital relationships do not survive. These affairs taste sweet at first, turn bitter later, and eventually, one tries to spit them out. Many outsiders enter by exploiting a woman’s loneliness and life problems. The arrival of mobile phones has made it easier for individuals to find suitable people, talk, and establish relationships. If friendship once slowly turned into an illicit affair, today people are actively selecting individuals via dating apps and other means. While men mostly go searching for relationships, women tend to make decisions based on their circumstances.
The Legal Perspective
Laws and punishments against extramarital affairs existed in all countries. However, the majority of countries have now repealed these laws, though some still follow them strictly. In India, it was a criminal offense under Section 497 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC). Joseph Shine, a Keralite, filed a Public Interest Litigation (PIL) under Article 32 of the Constitution, questioning the constitutional validity of Section 497 of the IPC (1862) and Section 198(2) of the Criminal Procedure Code (CrPC).
IPC Section 497 made adultery a crime punishable by up to five years in prison for a man who had sexual intercourse with another man’s wife. Crucially, women were exempted from prosecution. This section was not applicable if a married man was in a relationship with an unmarried woman. CrPC Section 198(2) stipulated that only the husband could file a complaint for adultery. In 2018, the Supreme Court unanimously ruled that IPC Section 497 was unconstitutional.
However, if extramarital affairs are discovered, one can approach the court for divorce. These affairs jeopardize not only the future of four families but also the lives of children. When a divorce case reaches the court, child custody is questioned, and alimony is demanded. If the divorce is on the grounds of an extramarital affair, the woman may never receive alimony. An illicit relationship not only isolates one from society but also leads to the loss of jobs, personal relationships, and peace of mind.
The Role of Technology and Changing Lifestyles
Day by day, divorce cases based on extramarital affairs are increasing. The number of people seeking counseling has also risen. Apart from this, there are many couples who live separately without going to court or counseling. It is the children who suffer the impact of discord in family life. The trauma children face at a young age will haunt them for a lifetime. A few years ago, unmarried people were at the forefront of elopements; now, it is married women. It is not uncommon for women to elope with men younger than them. Similarly, there are those who commit suicide due to the fear of family and society, realizing that they cannot live together with their illicit partner.
The graph of extramarital affairs rose after mobile phones became popular. In modern society, reasons include women starting to stand on their own feet like men, prioritizing greed over needs, and privacy concerns. With the arrival of smartphones, social media, and dating apps, people are searching for new friends. Extramarital affairs at the workplace are also increasing due to work culture. Spending significant time with colleagues and sharing daily problems and successes creates strong emotional bonds and intimacy. The reasons for starting illicit relationships often stem from feeling neglected, not getting what one desires from a partner, or the desire to know someone else. While women may have many reasons to explain, men often do not need a reason.
Reasons for Starting Extramarital Affairs:
- Personal choice
- Lack of communication
- Unmet physical or emotional needs
- Ego and boredom
- Opportunity and intimacy
- Cultural and social factors
- Revenge or anger
- Poor problem-solving skills
How to Avoid It:
- Honest communication
- Emotional intelligence
- Mutual respect
- Counseling
- Realizing that nothing is in our control
- Setting boundaries
Conclusion
When chasing small or temporary pleasures, remember that there is a lot to lose, and life will never be the same again. If the mind is wounded, it remains a pain for a lifetime. The “loves” that come seeking you after marriage may not be true love. One cannot sincerely love two people at the same time. Try to explain your desires and needs to your partner.
If you are not interested in your partner, or if you did not get the life you wished for, there is no need to convince anyone; seek the advice of a marriage counselor. If you still cannot live together, separate. Let me remind you of one thing specifically: there is only one life. Life cannot move forward according to the wishes of just one person. There is a limit to adjusting in life; but if lived with mutual understanding, life will be beautiful. The best quality of a human being is to refrain from blaming.